Angie Langseth-Bostwick

Do’s and Don’ts in Talking To Your Child About Adoption

 Do initiate conversations about your child’s birth family

 Don’t ignore comments your child makes about birth family or previous caregivers

 Do help your child grieve the loss of birth parents and previous caregivers

 Don’t put pressure on the child by showing negative emotion while discussing birth family

 Do share as much information as you can about your child’s conception, birth and family history

 Don’t keep secrets about your child’s history or family and never withhold from a child his/her adoptee status

 Do affirm, affirm, and affirm your child’s existence by telling him/her how important he/she is. Encourage strengths and abilities

 Don’t automatically change your child’s name without consideration of how this may affect him/her

 Do try to preserve part of the child’s name if possible and let older children be involved in decisions about names

 Don’t expect your child to get over being adopted. It’s a lifelong process

 Do acknowledge and value your child’s differences as well as similarities to you and other family members

 Don’t say your child is exactly like you

 Do tell your child his/her adoption story and share other positive childhood memories

 Don’t tell everyone your child is adopted without their consent

 Do help your child prepare to answer other’s questions about his/her adoption

 Don’t assume your child will always be excited and happy on holidays

 Do acknowledge and support your child’s mixed feelings on birth days and other holidays as they may be thinking about birth family

 Do acknowledge your child’s fear of being given away or taken and assure him/her this will never happen

Created by Angie Langseth-Bostwick, MA, LMHC 2007