Angie Langseth-Bostwick

It is so imperative for parents with hectic schedules that include work, children's activities and family time to take time out for themselves. It is also extremely important to not allow such feelings as guilt to get in the way of doing things for yourselves. After all, how can you be expected to care for little people when you are feeling stressed out and run down? Beleive me your kids will notice when you take time for yourself and feel happier. This will make them feel happier too.

Some ways you can take time out for you:

• Go shopping/window shopping alone
• Go out to lunch with a friend or significant other
• Go for a walk alone or with a friend
• Take a bath
• Go to the gym
• Have a date night with a significant other
• Take advatage of local community events like Parents Night Out
• Go out with friends once per month
• Get a massage
• Join an athletic team
• Volunteer or get involved with your community
• Take a class

Adoption Issues

Loss- Fear of ultimate abandonment. Children may worry they will be taken or given away Loss of genetic connection to adoptive family. Adoptive parents may feel loss of this genetic connection with their adopted child. Adoptive parents may also have grief issues related to infertility

Rejection- Personalize the fact that the he/she was given away. Issues of self-esteem

Guilt/Shame- Shame about being different. Feel deserving of negative experiences.

Grief- Grieve loss of birth parents. May grieve the fact that she/he does not fit in with adoptive family

Identity- Not having information about or access to birth family impedes integration of self

Intimacy- Fear of getting close to others lest repeats the chance of reenacting earlier loss

Created by Angie Bostwick, MA, LMHC 2007

Do’s and Don’ts in Talking To Your Child About Adoption

 Do initiate conversations about your child’s birth family

 Don’t ignore comments your child makes about birth family or previous caregivers

 Do help your child grieve the loss of birth parents and previous caregivers

 Don’t put pressure on the child by showing negative emotion while discussing birth family

 Do share as much information as you can about your child’s conception, birth and family history

 Don’t keep secrets about your child’s history or family and never withhold from a child his/her adoptee status

 Do affirm, affirm, and affirm your child’s existence by telling him/her how important he/she is. Encourage strengths and abilities

 Don’t automatically change your child’s name without consideration of how this may affect him/her

 Do try to preserve part of the child’s name if possible and let older children be involved in decisions about names

 Don’t expect your child to get over being adopted. It’s a lifelong process

 Do acknowledge and value your child’s differences as well as similarities to you and other family members

 Don’t say your child is exactly like you

 Do tell your child his/her adoption story and share other positive childhood memories

 Don’t tell everyone your child is adopted without their consent

 Do help your child prepare to answer other’s questions about his/her adoption

 Don’t assume your child will always be excited and happy on holidays

 Do acknowledge and support your child’s mixed feelings on birth days and other holidays as they may be thinking about birth family

 Do acknowledge your child’s fear of being given away or taken and assure him/her this will never happen

Created by Angie Langseth-Bostwick, MA, LMHC 2007